I do think about what it will be like on the day I come of age a million times. I have also more or less attended the 18th birthdays of friends older than me. Some of them had a passionate and boisterous time, while others had a bland time and didn’t even have a birthday cake. I still remember two years ago, a friend and I were sitting on a park bench at 4:00 a.m. for his 18th birthday, looking at the dark night sky and talking. He told me that he had been looking forward to his 18th, but today he realized that the transition from adolescence to adulthood doesn’t seem to be something that has to be a rite of passage, and that for him, other than the fact that he didn’t go to bed at 4 a.m. and chatted with me in the park, everything else was pretty normal. When the weekend was over, he still had to go back to the place where he was training to live the life he was repeating every day. That was the first time I expressed skepticism about my arrival at 18.
So it’s actually a blessing that I came to be curious, and I’ve experienced a lot of things that I once felt didn’t fit with me, including this bar mitzvah. The experience was amazing, even if I had fantasized about all sorts of Bar Mitzvahs before, I never imagined that there would be one like today, where I would be surrounded by my family, friends, teachers, and classmates who would be attending in formal attire, and sitting down to listen to me prattle on stage.
I still feel a little surprised when I look back on my short 17 years. The old me never thought I would be where I am now. Although as a person with an extremely competitive spirit, I never thought my life would be anything less than bumpy, I never expected it to be this bumpy either. From the beginning, when I was studying hard for junior high school, and constantly in conflict with my parents, to finally getting into the middle school I wanted to go to before, to being isolated in school, being coldly violated by the campus, suffering from depression, taking a break from school, and constantly searching for a cure, and finally coming to Curious, each and every thing seems to have happened yesterday. I’ve bumped into a lot of people along the way, some of whom have made me realize that there are all kinds of outrageous things in the world, some of whom have given me a clearer idea of where I stand, and some of whom have made me learn more.
I’ve been asked this question many times: why did you come to Curious? I can honestly say that I was really desperate. At that time my mind was filled with all sorts of depressing things and it felt like life was pointless. I tried to do everything during the years I took off from school, I took guitar lessons, I took dance lessons, I took painting lessons, I took all kinds of crafts. I tried going back to school, I tried getting in shape, I tried being a teacher. After I realized that all my efforts were in vain, I lost my passion for everything, I didn’t want to do anything, I couldn’t die even if I wanted to, and I muddled through life repeating myself every day. I was beyond desperate for such a life, but there was nothing I could do about it. Until one day, my mother came to me with a cell phone, pointing to the above curious information on the recruitment of teachers and asked me to try, I just saw that there is no educational requirements above and agreed. To me at the time, it didn’t matter what I did, life was just a different way of continuing to keep me uninterested. So my mom called the bottle, and after inquiring about it, she got the answer, “Your child would be better suited to be a student here”. My mom asked me again, and this time I hesitated. The reason was simple: if I said yes without giving it much thought as I had done before, there was a good chance that I would be wasting my time and my parents would be wasting their money. Time hasn’t been important to me for a long time, but money is different, and I don’t think anyone would have a problem with money either. After thinking it over, I decided to check it out.
When I first visited Gamer’s Delight, I thought the environment there could only be described as “dreary”. The dilapidated house, overgrown shrubs, and the gate that could be tumbled into with a single hand left me at a loss for words. I looked at Duan Haoyuan and Zhang Zijie’s long hair and She Zuyue’s misanthropic face and fell into a deep thought, I thought this is more than a little bit different from what I had imagined ah. But I’m a person who honestly does not pay attention to the environment, so I did not have any excessive waves in my heart, but also told the bottle: I think it’s fine, it’s quite good, I kinda like this style, but I don’t know why it was later rumored to be a curiosity for me to come because I like the environment of the player’s music. Although I admit that I did get hooked in by the bus library, and nowadays I’m not afraid to say that I love to read, but at the time I did have my attention drawn to the bus library, especially after I heard that it was remodeled by the students themselves, and my interest came immediately.
After a heated discussion with my parents, I decided to give it a try. During the two weeks of my trial period, I didn’t attend any morning classes, and I couldn’t live a normal life because of my upside-down routine. One day I heard Tianyu Li say, “You’re just paying to sleep here. I was devastated, and at the end of the two-week trial I resolved to be hospitalized to adjust. Until then, I had never been one to say no to hospitalization, but I did feel it was time to make a change.
I stayed in the hospital for half a month, met some of my “sick friends” and started to get interested in things again. My sleep became more normal and I felt like I could go back to being curious, except for the nightmares I had day and night. Back to being curious, I started attending classes on time, signing up for classes, working as a scriptwriter for a theater class, writing original songs, etc., and life started to get better from there.
But I actually started to get anxious about the future at the beginning of this year, and I’m a person who has never had the courage to step out of my comfort zone on my own accord. However soon I’m going to be forced to step out of the comfort zone I’ve nestled in for 17 years, I’m terrified of what’s to come and I feel like I’m in deep shit. I try to force myself to face reality, but the reality is that I just want to escape. I ask myself a lot of questions but frustratingly I can’t seem to answer any of them. My mood and state of life has been high and low at times, and this has had certain not-so-good effects on those around me and myself, and I would like to thank you all for your tolerance and understanding.
Until the home visit three weeks ago, I was so overwhelmed being sandwiched between my parents that I didn’t even dare to look up at the expression on Chi Xiao’s face across the room. It seemed like the first time I had ever had a serious discussion about my future with Ji Xiao outside of tutor time. Prior to that, even if Ji Xiao had just mentioned it to me, I would have wanted to run away. I was on pins and needles that day, and I felt a strange feeling in my heart that I couldn’t describe. But I truly realized that I was a very lucky person. Mom and Dad kept mentioning between the lines that they would support my choices, and even when I was very upfront about the fact that I didn’t want to go to college, they didn’t react as I expected, but continued to discuss the ways in which I could find my own goals.
It was at that point that I began to seriously think about why I was hesitant to move into those areas when I clearly had hobbies. I realized that what I was afraid of was that going down that path would be something I would regret and something that I wouldn’t be able to eat because I didn’t think I had that ability to turn my ideals into reality. I also realized that I was overlooking something very important, and a mistake that many people often make – worrying before they’ve even done it. I remembered a quote from a blogger I really like: you don’t have to think about it, you just do it, your head is empty, and it’s easy to do. I began to think seriously about the ways in which I could accomplish what I wanted to do if I chose a certain path – a path by which I could eat. Putting aside my assessment of my own abilities and the various external factors I was worried about, I finally realized that my future was not actually a lost cause. I realized that, in fact, even after graduation, with my parents’ support, I still have quite a bit of time to study. But I still had to grab the time and resources to do more studying, and I started to keep track of my day to day life, looking back at the end of the day to see if I had wasted any time, and where I had wasted it. The stress is still there of course, but I at least have a general idea of what my future holds.
I’m grateful to my mom and dad for quietly supporting me through the hardest times in my life so far, and they never gave up on me from start to finish. I know they feel guilty about what happened to me in middle school, but I can tell them with certainty: I don’t blame you, all parents want their kids to be good, but everyone has a different definition of good. The fact that you were willing to do what it took to get me out of the muck, whether it worked or not, was enough. I never hated you guys, and, well, I love you.
Looking back at my life now, it’s still quite emotional. I don’t realize that I’m almost an adult and I’m a world away from my past self, but I don’t care anymore. After all, people don’t necessarily live their lives for stability, and I think I’d rather have variables in my life, life goes on all the time. I will choose to live my life well, no matter how hard the process is.
Kexin’s mother’s speech at the coming of age ceremony
Parents, teachers and students:
Good morning, everyone!
Thank you Curionesty College for organizing such a ceremony to document the growth of our children. This moment today means that our children have become adults, and I am very happy about that.
First of all, I would like to thank Curious for accepting, accommodating, respecting, and encouraging our children over the past year and a half. I remember fondly that when our children first started school, I worried every day and asked the teachers about our children every day. I often went to Ms. Bottle to talk to her, and she always analyzed and answered my questions in a very calm manner. Although she didn’t say much, after communicating with me, I slowly learned to reflect on myself, comfort myself, and finally chose to let go, believing that my child would get better and better.
As a parent, I witnessed my child’s failure to attend classes on time, and then she made a conscious effort to change, rationalize her work schedule, and then slowly find her way in her favorite field of music, and then actively complete the various tasks assigned by her teacher. Although there were still moments of confusion during the process, as well as pressure due to the time constraints, my child was able to overcome all of the challenges. What makes me feel very happy is that when my child encounters these difficulties, she is willing to call me to talk, communicate and discuss. This feeling of being trusted warms my heart.
What I appreciate most about Curiosity is that it allows children to utilize their talents in a team, to undertake, to discover, to coordinate, to create, and to accomplish in the process of working together, so that they can continue to learn and grow themselves. Every time I listen to my children share with me curious things, from their own teachers to classmates, to activities, full of happiness, I am from the bottom of my heart, this feeling is so good.
Dear child:
From today, you are stepping into the ranks of adults, mom and dad sincerely bless you! Youth and joy fly together, ambition and struggle together, 18 years old, a magnificent age, a new milestone, you have entered the ranks of adults, which means that from now on will take on greater responsibility, and continue to mature, in the future stage of life to realize your dreams. The road to happiness in life you have come to the ten-minute stage, the future life experience will gradually increase, the future road of life will be long and colorful.
In the future, we must learn to be contented and give up, everything must not go to extremes, no matter what will find a point of satisfaction, which is contentment; and the so-called give up, is to give up and get the dialectical relationship, firmly believe that “those who do not do anything, nothing to do”, savor the “get is blessed, to give up is blessed, to be contented is happiness! It is only happiness when one is contented.”
Ke Xin, the process of raising you, from toddler to babbling to entering the school, my father and I accompanied you every moment is full of happiness, over the years, many of my mother’s educational style mistakes, let you hurt, mom is very sorry, but at the same time, we are trying to change. Feel Ke Xin from arbitrary digging strong to now take the initiative to communicate, I hope that we from love each other to the future only love and harmony and happiness.
The road ahead is long, but we firmly believe that you are fully capable of pursuing your life path, a road of happiness belonging exclusively to you, free to fly, we will always guard our princess, mom and dad will always be your strongest backing, go for it! Ride the wind and waves of the teenager.
May your heart’s desire be all as you wish.
Love, mom and dad.
Ke Xin’s mentor, Ji Xiao, at the Bar Mitzvah ceremony
Mr. Zhang Kexin:
I remember when you first came here, it was as if you had just returned to your home country. Although you hadn’t been abroad at all, your routine made every student think that you were living in the Western Hemisphere.
On the day of the orientation talk, you were at war with your parents sitting across from you. This should be the only time I’ve ever had to interrupt a freshman orientation talk to separate you from Mom and Dad.
Since you’re often so emo, everyone couldn’t agree more with your new nickname, Zhang emo.
You’ve only been here for a little over a year. When you first came here, you were actually quite old compared to the other students. It takes time for a person to grow, and I was actually worried about whether you would be able to successfully grow to a mature and stable state in Curious in such a short period of time.
I was not at all sure whether you would leave because of your credit score or because of your own emotional breakdown.
However, you quickly showed us how much a person’s determination can make a difference. Your abilities began to unfold in many, many, many ways, as many as the hair colors you’ve dyed.
When you resolved to adjust your routine, in less than a month you had successfully reversed your jet lag and returned from the Western Hemisphere to the Eastern Hemisphere. You also consciously began to control the negative effects of some of your vices on yourself.
You started reading a lot and came close to winning the reading league. You also showed your understanding and hard work in the VOC music composition program and soon composed the first song of your life. We all often see you practicing the piano.
You have the ability to create, you can quickly write good words, basically the heavy responsibility of adapting the drama script falls on your head, the last semester’s improvisational writing about “love, what is it?” is also very outstanding, which is inseparable from your basic skills of reading.
At the same time, you also showed your sense of justice and public concern. You also presented your research on teenage depression very clearly at the final exhibition in the first half of the year.
You have had helpless bumpy experiences in the past, and these experiences can make you more able to empathize with people in need. The dilemmas within you that only you understand will be a great asset when you have the ability to find a solution for yourself.
Rabindranath Tagore said that the world kissed me with pain so that I would sing in return. This quote has inspired me deeply before and I want to share it with you.
This year is your Bar Mitzvah, and I have a few final reminders for you.
First, stigma is the biggest obstacle in our way, and the reason stigma is stigma is because we usually have a hard time noticing it. It requires you to be self-reflective and to actively listen to the feedback of others. If it’s different from what you expected, don’t be quick to refute it, but think about the validity of the disagreement.
Secondly, you often mention that you like Marquez, but you can’t quite put your finger on why. In fact, you have been touched, but the specific thoughts need to be organized, and the best way to organize them, is to go writing. The fact that you showed me the manuscript for this Bar Mitzvah twice is actually a process of self-organization. I hope you’ll stick with it for the long haul. If Marquez can write those scenes, you must be able to write why he appeals to you.
Third, be patient with yourself and with others. The most flavorful soup is made with patience, and the most classic works are honed with patience. You have a long road ahead of you, and more wonders are yours to discover with patience. The changes you were able to make in the past can surely be reproduced in the future.
Last but not least, I would like to sincerely thank Ke Xin’s parents for their trust and commitment to us. Your growth is the best education for her. I wish you all peace and happiness as a family.
Leave a Reply