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editor’s note

In April 2023, the Curious Learning Community participated in the Luhu “Flower Island Festival” market as one of the stall owners. At the market, members of Curiosity were pleased to present her gap year project spring season finale “My Book” to the audience, and invited the audience to participate in her ongoing game project questionnaire survey. This article is Xinran’s self-review in “My Book”

This is the mentor application I sent to Chi Xiao on March 12, 2023. While writing it, I realized that I have never fully reviewed and reflected on my past life, so I wrote this review. When planning to be the final project of the first season, I made supplements and improvements to the content. Thanks to Caiying (Curious Learning Community Tutor) for giving me revision suggestions!

For me, there has always been one thing that is very important to me, and that is freedom. I still can’t clearly analyze the relationship between it and me. The following are some clues I wrote based on my general impression. My thoughts on the past My memory is not very clear, so some of it is my guess

The freedom here, I just take it as a thread to connect the bits and pieces of my life, and I will not give a specific definition of freedom, maybe you can look it up, for me, what is freedom

The beginning of it all, the seed of the problem

I have fought for freedom since I was very young, but for a long, long time, the means I have used is not articulating my needs, but passive resistance

I started to learn piano at the age of 5. The kindergarten I went to was piano kindergarten. According to my mother, I learned it for 5 years. Both my mother and I vividly remember how much I hated the piano. As I grew up, my resistance became more and more intense, and finally one day, the teacher couldn’t stand it anymore and asked me to take a break to study again. Since then, I have never touched the piano. As for me, until now I don’t know the staff, and because of this, I have buried some hatred for music

Let me clarify first, I don’t do everything against my parents, I just hate people forcing me to do things I don’t want to do, there are two things I would like to learn, one is painting (I don’t like it later), the other is badminton ( I didn’t go because of the exam). The story of martial arts and horsemanship is similar to that of piano. Luckily horsemanship was the last thing they forced me to learn

If it’s just because the outside world is not free, then it’s okay to say. What’s more deadly is that my inner oppresses me

“I spent so much money on the piano, and I spent so much money on lessons for you. Why don’t you learn?”

“I’m doing it for your own good.”

“You can’t stand a single thing.”

After being disciplined by my parents, school and society, a “police” gradually emerged in my heart. It has a set of “should” and “must”. When my behavior violates its requirements, it will come out to suppress Me; when I have a problem with other people, it will search my memory, find my “crime” and make me feel guilty. There is another part of this “police”, called authority. I’m still not completely out of its shadow, I think this is a very important cause of me

There are two forces pulling in my heart, one is the “policeman” and the other is my own will. No matter which one I listen to, the other won’t make me feel better

This problem has been buried since I was very young, but it has been hidden, waiting for the day when it will explode

Curious about your previous school experience

In Beijing, I went to a private international school, where I attended primary school and the first two semesters of junior high school. Perhaps because there, the college entrance examination was not the only way out, so it was a more relaxed environment. My impression of it is that I love that school very much, and so do my classmates. After leaving there, my classmates and I both expressed our miss for it. I’ve collected some memory fragments, and I speculate that might be the cause

Fragment library

. The winter jasmine that grows before the grass in spring has sweet nectar

. Small, blue fruit that I don’t know if it’s an apricot or a peach

. Some elementary school classmates created a public account to write football comments

. The whole class plays sketches, and students write scripts

. halloween at school

. Watch the New Year’s Day party performed and hosted by classmates at school, and perform on stage at Christmas

. Primary school went to Taiwan’s ×× Elementary School for study tours, junior high school went to Japan for study tours, and stayed with Japanese families

. Chinese teacher assigns interesting writing homework

In the second semester of the second year of junior high school, my family had an accident. We were forced to move from Beijing to Xianyang, which is our hometown. I transferred to another school without any precautions. I won’t say anything, what I remember very clearly is that I hated this school. The pressure of family changes and the pressure of not being able to adapt and not wanting to adapt made me suffer from depression. When I found out, it was already very serious

My parents, like normal Chinese parents, don’t understand depression and think it’s important to go back to school, but they allow me to rest at home

Then, my mom saw the news about the curious gap year

I doubt it was the right decision to wonder when I was in such a bad state

Curiosity for the first time

In September 2018, I came to Curiosity for the first time. This period of time has brought me very valuable values ​​and perspectives to see the world, and it has also brought me a lot of pain. I basically let go of these problems, so I won’t go into details here

Curiosity is a free and inclusive environment, but freedom is a subjective feeling. Whether I am free or not depends on my heart

It’s a pity that I was not curious for self-growth at that time. Apart from some yearning, the main reason for my curiosity was to escape the isolated state and make myself “normal”

In curiosity, freedom is so easy to get, but I don’t have the courage to take this freedom. The mentors have always encouraged us to pursue what we like and do what we want to do, but I have never liked or wanted to do it. Why don’t you want to do it? I just found the answer to this question a few months ago

One reason is because, at that time, the “police” was the dominant force inside me, the “police” was always ordering me, saying what I “should” do, but it was like I was resisting my parents to force me to learn things, my inner The will is working hard against this “should”. In this struggle, my energy is consumed so much that I have no energy to think about what to do. Being dominated by the “police” also means that “unnecessary” things have no value

Another reason is that at that time, my self-will, that is, the ability to “want”, was very weak, and I didn’t even want to live, so I naturally had almost no desire for self-growth. It is worth mentioning that at that time, I thought that I “should be good”, “should be motivated”, “should do more things”, “should communicate with people”, so I would ask for help from the bottle (curious learning community tutor) to let her Tell me the method, but in contrast, “I don’t want to be good”, “I don’t want to make progress”, “I don’t want to do more” and “I don’t want to communicate with others”. I remember that the final result is often that I don’t do it at all, or it doesn’t work (like I can’t learn staves)

Later, I checked with my mentor, Chi Xiao, and he said that when I first came here, I was actually quite seriously ill. Coupled with my self-centered expression habits, my speech was ugly and aggressive, and he pushed away all those who wanted to help me. By refusing to do what is right for me, I think I know the above “should” be good for me. But I was in total combat mode (although I didn’t realize it at the time), I did everything I could to fight the “cops”, even if it was self-destructive, I’m sorry I didn’t take advantage of the help my mentors gave me.

tumultuous years

Under the pressure of “being a normal person”, after the end of the Kawagoe Project in 2019, my dad and I felt that my condition was better, and I went back to the school in my hometown, and then resisted going to that school, returning to curiosity, and taking the high school entrance examination again . It was a very painful, very confusing few years. I was like at a crossroads, surrounded by fog, forced to choose, forced to turn around, each choice is not clear enough.

Years of self-oppression made the self-willing part of me weaker and weaker. Slowly, I didn’t want to do anything, but because I “should go to school” I was always in school like a walking dead

An opportunity to leave curiosity is that the bottle asked me: “Do you want to be okay?” I replied no

I finally got tired of using “should” as a rule of thumb and decided to give up everything that “normal” people should do. When I connected to my inner voice, it replied, “I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to socialize, I don’t want to Going out” may be the backlash of long-term self-oppression. I stayed at home for two years

two years at home

Admittedly, I wasted a lot of time at home, but it also allowed me to grow a lot. the

I have always followed a principle at home, that is: do what you want to do, and don’t do it if you don’t want to do it

At the time, I didn’t understand what I was doing, and I didn’t understand the meaning of what I was doing. This sense of meaninglessness and anxiety about the future caused me great pain. Here are my thoughts on what I did at home. Summarize

First of all, I would like to thank my parents.

Thank them for patiently waiting for my condition to improve;

Thank them for respecting my choice and not forcing me to go to the hospital;

Thank them for giving me the greatest freedom and not imposing their expectations on me;

Thank them for supporting me with listening, understanding, tolerance and acceptance;

Thank them for respecting my true wishes and encouraging me to do what I really want to do;

Thank them for their love, which allows me to restore the ability to love a little bit;

I would also like to thank them for their unreasonable trust, believing that even if I do something different from ordinary people, I can go out of my own way

From a self-level, I have done two things at home, one is called “breaking” and the other is called “rebuilding”. These two things happened in parallel, and are still going on, and doing both is also the reason why I came to be curious

01 break

What is broken is the law of the “police”, that is, the inherent concept, which I call “should”. The difficulty here is that the “cops” are part of me. The “police” was extremely dissatisfied with my stay at home. When I first stayed at home, according to my mother, I just cried from time to time, and I broke down when I saw what others said on the Internet, but now I am much calmer. , I think it’s because of this that my “cops” are more relaxed. Here are a few “shoulds”

“Should go to school”: I sometimes get very anxious at home, so I ask my parents if I should go to school, and my parents ask me, “Do you want to go to school?” I say I don’t want to, so they say Told me not to go, of course I didn’t because I didn’t have any motivation to go to school

“Should get up early”: Sleep was extremely irregular at the beginning, maybe I didn’t go to bed until 5 in the morning, and woke up at 5 in the afternoon. Later, with the help of my mother, I didn’t care so much about it, and when I didn’t care so much, I fell asleep instead Get regular, go to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning, get up from 1 to 2 in the afternoon, sleep about 10 hours a night

“Should eat on time”: With my schedule, of course I can’t eat with them. I’m ashamed that my mother helped me cook for a long time, but then I became more motivated, so I did it myself Meal + takeaway

“Should communicate with people”: At that time, the desire not to communicate with people was relatively strong

“should go out”: ditto

I’ve been measuring at home how much I care about the judgment of the anti-boundary, and when I don’t care so much, freedom follows

02 reconstruction

Breaking is not the final result. Breaking through restrictive concepts is like escaping from prison. After escaping, the heart is an endless desert.

Therefore, it is necessary to rebuild and re-establish value orientation and code of conduct

Funny, I’m doing the above “should” right now, so does that prove I’m back in “prison”? No, the reason why I can do these things now is because I want to do these things. This is the result of rebuilding. Cook because I want to take care of myself

The reconstruction methods are divided into the following types, in no order

(1) Recuperation: It is okay to allow yourself to not do things. This is very important, because for people with depression, small things that ordinary people can easily do (such as getting up) become extremely difficult. Accepting your own state is the beginning of everything getting better

(2) Games: According to Huizinga’s definition, games are free and truly autonomous. The story about me and games can be another article, but I don’t want to write it yet. I think “want” is a kind of motivation, a kind of motivation that becomes more and more powerful. I can play this kind of motivation in the game, so I would say that the game has helped me in terms of motivation

For specific stories, please see the selected works of my project this quarter. ps: This is the questionnaire I made, and the results of the survey will be displayed at the end of the term. Please help me broadcast and fill it out, thank you!

(3) Communication: including listening and expressing. Especially the communication with my mother is very valuable

In the beginning, quarreling is also a kind of communication, because everyone has emotions, and there is no way to chat calmly. In the past, the poor communication has accumulated a lot of problems. Instead of letting emotions continue to accumulate and cause more problems, it is better not to avoid conflicts. Have a good fight, talk slowly after the fight is over

After a lot of conflicts, debates and calm exchanges with my mother, our relationship is one step closer, we can talk about the world together, and discuss big “useless” issues together

(4) Psychological counseling: When I recovered to a certain extent, I had the need to ask for help, so I took the initiative to ask for psychological counseling, and I am still doing psychological counseling. I very much agree with what is said in “The Road Less Traveled” (a must-read in the spring of 2023 for the Curious Learning Community), that psychological counseling is a shortcut to mental maturity. Let go of my preconceptions and prejudices, and ask me questions. This process is actually a process of facing myself. This will allow me to understand myself better, be more sincere, and at the same time make me better able to get along with others

(5) Thinking: Talk to yourself, chat, ask and answer questions, and listen carefully to your own thoughts

Now I spend time walking almost every day, and no matter how busy I am, I will find time to communicate with myself. I find that the urge to write something always arises at this time, including this article, which was also written while I was walking and thinking.

(6) Feeling: feel your emotions, feel your will, and respect your feelings. I will see my emotions, capture them, and put them on paper, which will make me understand myself better. Doing this again and again will improve my awareness, and I will be able to react faster when I have emotions next time Come, create a space between stimulus and response, in this space, I can choose: let my emotions continue to ferment, act and talk through emotions, or calm myself down, or take other measures

(7) Learning: take in information and receive it selectively. At the beginning, the main source was station b, some of which were games, and later there were books, podcasts (mainly game metaphysics), online courses

“The Courage to Be Disliked” (a must-read for the curious learning community in spring 2023) has influenced me the most. It was shocking and painful to see teleology in the first place, because I am so used to putting the blame on other things, like depression, how other people treat me, my experiences and the environment, which of course all matter. It is a part of the influencing factors, but this book made me realize how much my inner purpose plays a role. None of the factors I mentioned above can be changed. Only when I take responsibility for my own state and situation Responsibility, and then taking other people’s responsibility off of me, I can change. After reading this book, I clearly feel what kind of choices I have at various moments in my life

Another thing I do at home is to improve the relationship with my parents. I don’t do much about it. I rely on my mother’s learning and growth. That is her growth process. Old maps” how much effort it took. My dad also ditched the “old map”, but I didn’t talk to him in detail about how he did it

In short, with the help of my parents, my heart finally took a breath from the struggle between the “police” and my inner will, and I finally got the part of freedom I needed

I believe that putting your heart’s will first is the way to find what you love; I believe my heart’s desire can lead me in the right direction. For example, I ran to do logic problems for no reason, and I took logic classes because of this

One very important event at the end of November 2022 was my conversation with my cousins, our first serious chat, but it was an open chat that convinced me that my communication skills were fine. I happily shared my favorite games with them. After that, I talked to him that I didn’t know what I liked, and he said to me: “Don’t you know?” I thought right! Why not make a game? Then I started to check how to make games when I got home, and then I learned programming

The description of the past two years has come to an end, but it only revealed the tip of the iceberg. Now I can’t imagine how I changed, how I grew up, and how I got to where I am today step by step

Curious for the third time

I saw Chi Xiao’s one-on-one paid consulting service on the curious official account, and I wanted to chat with him alone. He said that the fee is not low, and suggested that I sort out the problem and send it to him, and he will reply directly on WeChat without charging

So I sent him these words:

During the time I was at home, the game helped me a lot from the motivation level. The one that influenced me the most was ff14. It discussed the meaning of life later, and I felt that I received its answer. I seemed to understand the ff14 music director Zu Jian Zhengqing said that “games can save people’s hearts”. I want to make games that can save people’s hearts. The details may change, but I want to participate in the creation of works that may not make money but have expression. Feasible goal? Can you give me some advice? I’m learning C# programming now. I bought a video course and learned it for 20 days. It feels very interesting (but I don’t know how efficient it is). How can I learn more about game development while learning? I don’t play many games now, and I don’t know much about games and game development. I want to know more about games. Can you recommend me some websites, games, books or videos?

He said: I’m happy for you. Then answered my questions in detail. It wasn’t long before I saw the announcement of Curiosity’s new gap year program

In 2023, why am I back to being curious? Because I want to get back curious. I have so much fear of going back to being curious, but even when I’m at my lowest, I want to go, and that’s what I’m connecting with.

Another reason is that I feel that I am ready. Now I am willing to communicate with people, read books, accept new things, go to school, and grow

With some despair and some hope, it’s just the beginning. The point of despair is that I have spent a lot of time suffering and struggling, and a lot of knowledge and skills have to be accumulated slowly from now on. The hope is that I have regained the desire to explore the world, connect with others, and grow myself. The hope is that I have the courage to face up to my inadequacy and the courage to start over. The hope is that I have a beautiful belief and goal that can continue to give me strength, and my future studies are all for myself. It can be said that this is my new life.

Sharing one of my favorite quotes. A passage from Fromm’s “Escape from Freedom” reads:

“Although freedom brings man independence and rationality, it also leaves him isolated, anxious and powerless. He cannot bear this isolation, and he faces two choices: either escape the burden of freedom and re-establish dependence and surrender. relationship, or to move forward and strive for the full realization of a positive freedom based on the uniqueness and individuality of human beings.”

This passage sums up well the several times I have come to Curiosity and then left Curiosity

I want to fight for this positive freedom, I’m already on my way.

Editor’s note:

At the end of March in the spring of 2023, the curious learning community launched a creative week with the theme of “clothing design”. The curious playmate Gao Shan recorded the huge changes before and after the participation of the curious members in this goal-oriented project from the perspective of an educator

The Curiosity Learning Community has always advocated “learning in the real”, and specially set up “doing projects” and “drama projects”, as well as engineering weeks and creation weeks, allowing members to design and create a “work” in person for a whole week , it can be transforming an abandoned bus into a library, or building amusement facilities for children…The Curiosity Learning Community has always advocated “learning in the real”, and specially set up “doing projects” and “drama projects”, as well as engineering weeks and creation weeks, allowing members to design and create a “work” in person for a whole week , it can be transforming an abandoned bus into a library, or building amusement facilities for children…

In the creative week of the spring of the gap year project in 2023, we will take “clothing design” as the main line task, start from scratch, learn the basic knowledge of fashion design, design, cut and sew by ourselves, create clothes that belong to “me”, and respond to the “me and me” self” is the big question. (The 2023 Gap Year Project is divided into four quarters, spring, summer, autumn and winter, each quarter is a theme, each responding to a big question: “I and myself”, “I and others”, “I and society”, “I and the universe”)

During these 5 days, members of the Curious Learning Community need to complete two pieces of work – a group theme work in the form of draping, and an individual work in the form of plane cutting, and on the last afternoon of the creation week, a A “me” fashion show

When we first planned to create content for the week, we were worried that it would be a “mission impossible”. After all, the time is too short, and the vast majority of people have zero foundation. Can curious members have enough ability and patience to complete it? In the end, whether it is the performance of the members during this process or the final fashion show, the members of the curious learning community undoubtedly created their own “very likely to succeed”, turning the impossible into possible

“I hesitated for a long time and decided not to participate”

One night before Create Week started, I got a message from Creation Week leave from Curious member Xinran. The reasons for her leave are:

Don’t want to do it, not interested in fashion design;1. Don’t want to do it, not interested in fashion design;

The priority of this matter is not high, and I want to use this week to learn programming, read books and do other more important things;2. The priority of this matter is not high, and I want to use this week to learn programming, read books and do other more important things;

I have time anxiety recently and may not be able to do everything3. I have time anxiety recently and may not be able to do everything

Since the tasks of the creation week need to be completed in a team, in order not to affect other members, I gladly added:

Since I decided too late and was unfair to my teammates, I will help my teammates

It is hard for me to disagree with this well-founded, affectionate and righteous request for leave. But when I was about to reply, the picture of several playmates discussing the content of the Creation Week on Jiguan Mountain in February this year kept appearing in my mind. At that time, several partners mentioned the difficulty of realizing the Creation Week. After a heated discussion, we finally agreed that it is better to do it than not to do it. If you don’t try it, how do you know it won’t work?

Furthermore, in order to allow members to experience fashion design more immersively, we invited a professional fashion designer Xiaoxiao to lead the whole process. Invite guests from different fields such as fashion art, music, and classic men’s clothing to share, including: graffiti artists, painters, hand-dish performers, visual artists, Tibetan trendy brand designers, and participated in “Trendy Playing Human Beings” as a fashion designer Where is Turia from the show; Musician, Rapper, Sponge, the protagonist of “Waste Story”; Wang Yuanhang, a classic men’s wear lover who works at FABRIC SHOP, a traditional tailor that insists on classic aesthetics

With such a lineup and arrangement, I really don’t want any members to miss it easily. So I replied Xin Ran like this:

Don’t rush to refuse if you haven’t tried it yet;1. Don’t rush to refuse if you haven’t tried it yet;

You don’t have to do everything, just treat it as an experience, and do as much as you can2. You don’t have to do everything, just treat it as an experience, and do as much as you can

In short, I hope you can try it first and don’t give up all of it. If you still insist that you don’t want to participate, write an email to apply for long-term leave

That night, Xinran didn’t reply to me again. I expected to get an email from her asking for leave. As a result, at nine o’clock in the morning the next day, I met her in the far home studio

Visiting the Yuanjia Studio is the first official activity of the Creation Week. On that day, under the leadership of the co-founder of “Far Home”, Wen Ya, we learned what a clothing brand is and saw how a piece of clothing changes from a design manuscript to a real object The whole process has a clearer and professional understanding of the process of clothing design and production

At 11:30 p.m. on the second day after I returned to the community from my distant home, I received another message from Xinran. She asked me “how good is the team’s clothes” and “when to buy fabrics”. When everyone was purchasing fabrics at the Hehuachi Market on weekends, Xinran appeared again. She brought her design drafts and searched for the corresponding materials in the store.

Later, it officially entered Creation Week, and I happily participated in the whole process without any suspense. At the fashion show, she made her own makeup and hair, took off the mask she wanted to wear, and confidently showed off her own handmade clothing

From the initial refusal to the final “Xin Ran” participation, I asked Xin Ran the reason for the change. She said that it was what she saw and heard when she visited a distant home that made her decide to participate in the Creation Week. It comes down to curiosity. Yuanjia satisfied her curiosity and brought her more curiosity

“I don’t want to see this pile of stuff again”

At first, the clothing concept design seemed to be the biggest problem. After entering the practical session, I discovered that threading needles, threading, cutting, sewing…every step can stump a large number of peopleAt first, the clothing concept design seemed to be the biggest problem. After entering the practical session, I discovered that threading needles, threading, cutting, sewing…every step can stump a large number of people

On the first day of Creation Week, a boy was very frustrated with tailoring. When cutting the fabric, he cut it wrong every time, and even cut a lot of fabric wasted. In the end, he almost broke down and said to me, “I don’t want to see this pile of things again.” And another girl, Huiwen, after 300 rounds of fighting with needlework, posted n circles of friends in succession to express her anger

Challenges in new areas are more frustrating than normal difficulties. When new challenges come, in addition to excitement and excitement, we also have anxiety, anxiety and timidity, and even want to stay in a familiar and safe environment. However, the process of growth is the process of achieving countless leaps in unknown fields. From small leaps to big leaps, from quantitative changes to qualitative changes, every leap is a test of our will and spirit

Hui Wen, who has been tortured thousands of times by needlework, chooses to continue to hand-sewn patterns on the shirts she designed. In the end, she not only learned to use the sewing machine, but also learned to repair the sewing machine, and became a “sewing machine repairer” unanimously recognized by everyone

The original intention of planning Creation Week is not to cultivate professional fashion designers, but to hope that curious members can experience the entanglement, frustration, excitement and sense of accomplishment in goal-oriented actions. The process is far more important than the result. We have reason to believe that this real experience of collapse and reconstruction will eventually turn into the courage to face challenges in the future

“At three o’clock in the morning, I’m making clothes”

There is a popular documentary in the education circle, “Highly Likely to Succeed”, which tells the story of High Tech High, an innovative school in the United States. The school’s most attention-grabbing PBL learning method is popular all over the country. In order to complete the project, the students in the documentary took the initiative to work overtime, showing great enthusiasm and autonomy. Creation Week, the same scene happened countless times in the curious learning community

The most exaggerated one is that on the day before the Creation Week, from 6:30 in the evening, 9:00 in the evening, 3:15 in the morning… until 6:00 in the morning, different figures appeared one after another on the first floor of the community. Work – step on the sewing machine and rush to make your own clothing worksThe most exaggerated one is that on the day before the Creation Week, from 6:30 in the evening, 9:00 in the evening, 3:15 in the morning… until 6:00 in the morning, different figures appeared one after another on the first floor of the community. Work – step on the sewing machine and rush to make your own clothing works

At the end of the film “Extremely Likely to Succeed”, there is a boy who voluntarily returns to school during the holidays to complete his work. In the last two weeks of the creation week, Zu Yue still sewed her leather skirt in her spare time. According to her statistics, she sewed for a total of 153 hours, and the craziest thing was from 9 am the previous day to 4 am the next day

The task that was considered impossible at first is being completed by the curious members in a “crazy” way

You know, there are no high rewards and no penalties during the creation week. Behind full autonomy is the desire of students to complete one thing and achieve an achievement

Clinical neuropsychologist William Stixrud, author of the American bestseller The Self-driven Child, believes that “a strong sense of autonomy is key to developing the healthy self-motivation that enables children and adolescents to pursue their goals with enthusiasm.” And enjoy your accomplishment.”

In a project, whether students have self-awareness depends on whether the learning content is actively selected or passively accepted. In the final analysis, whether students have the initiative. The difference between active and passive is actually the difference between controlling and being controlled. The question is, who would want to lose control of their ego?

Picture: The circle of friends posted when the team work is completedPicture: The circle of friends posted when the team work is completed

During the Creation Week, curious members can use elements such as “life and death” and “games” that they are interested in as creative themes, create unique artwork according to their own aesthetics, and purchase favorite fabrics… When they see the most The original fabric gradually becomes a complete work in their own hands, and the sense of accomplishment brought by this process will make them more motivatedDuring the Creation Week, curious members can use elements such as “life and death” and “games” that they are interested in as creative themes, create unique artwork according to their own aesthetics, and purchase favorite fabrics… When they see the most The original fabric gradually becomes a complete work in their own hands, and the sense of accomplishment brought by this process will make them more motivated

Figure: Members independently build a group notion space

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates said, “Education is not to indoctrinate, but to kindle a fire.” Now the curious members have entered the summer phase in full swing. Thinking back to the Creation Week in spring, although it was only 5 days, the experience, feeling and growth brought by this experience will be turned into an important force to challenge the next impossible

Editor’s note:

At the 2022 Autumn Project Achievement Exhibition, You Haiyue, who loves photography, generously showed her photography works to the audience at the market booth, and gave a wonderful speech titled “Me and Photography”, introducing her favorite photography Teacher – Takuma Nakahira, and what photography means to me. This article is a revised version of the speech.

Hello everyone, I am You Haiyue. When I was 21 years old, I talked about my favorite photography at this place. It was not long after I got my first camera and I was passionate about taking pictures. Although part of the power source may be that the camera is too expensive, don’t feel like you’re wasting money

那时候我手里常常拿着相机，每天都对身边的环境感到新鲜和好奇，这种感到新鲜的原因，我也在许多书里和一个我喜欢的摄影师——中平卓⻢的经历里看到了。之后也在其他很多地方了解了更多关于摄影的事情，看了一些关于摄影的电影、纪录片、节目、一些书、一些作品。按理说，我现在应该有了更多不错的摄影作品， 可当我越来越了解、认识摄影和相机的时候，我感受到了个很大的问题——相机的侵略性。认识到摄影的这一面之后，我慢慢开始对相机感到恐惧和害怕，也是因为认识到这一点，我对一个场景或者事物的捕捉欲望下降了。
At that time, I often held a camera in my hand, and I felt fresh and curious about the surrounding environment every day. The reason for this feeling of freshness was also mentioned in many books and the experience of a photographer I like, Takuma Nakahira. see. After that, I learned more about photography in many other places, and watched some movies, documentaries, programs, some books, and some works about photography. It stands to reason that I should have more good photography works now, but when I got to know more and more about photography and cameras, I felt a big problem – the aggressiveness of the camera. After realizing this aspect of photography, I slowly began to feel fear and fear of the camera, and because of this recognition, my desire to capture a scene or thing decreased.

The photographer just mentioned, Nakahira Takuma, is a photographer I like very much. I know him because of his book “Duel Photo Album” that my friend gave me last summer. That was the first time I saw the thoughts and thoughts written from the photographer’s own perspective, which shocked me very much. When I read it, I can’t stop being surprised and sighing. After reading a chapter, I have to rest for a long time to buffer my shocked brain.

Then there is a documentary about him, “The Man Who Became a Camera – Takuma Nakahira”. It’s hard to describe the feeling when I just finished watching this documentary. It’s different from the refreshing feeling of voyeurism in photography and the thrill of watching and shooting when I watched “Zoom In”. Zhongping’s documentary only makes me feel comfortable and cute

One of Zhongping Zhuoma’s works that Haiyue likes

Documentary “The Man Who Became a Camera – Nakahira Takuma”

On the contrary, he was different from what I noticed, and this is what surprised me the most. What I like most about him is not his works, but his state when taking pictures. Watching him walk on the street will give you a very comfortable feeling. The way he cheers when he gets the shot he wants is cute.

Having said all that, it wasn’t his and I’s shared attention that attracted me. He wasn’t in the group of “similar viewers” in my mind. On the contrary, he sees it differently from me. In my opinion, he is only photographing what he sees, rather than expecting a thing to be located where the usual photographer wants it to be. This is very good in my opinion, but it is difficult for me to do it, because what I shoot is just some central points, highlighting some, ignoring some, and there is no meaning. Doing something with such an original intention is not as good as doing advertising design, as long as you know where it will be noticed, and then reproduce it.
Haiyue’s photography works

I don’t know if I will still love taking pictures in the future, but at least for me now, it is a terrible thing. Everyone with a camera hides behind the lens and captures what they want, but what do I really want to capture? I know what I’ve said has been said many times by many people since the invention of photography, Many people have thought about these questions—about how offensive photography is to people and how deceptive it is to the viewer.

海跃的摄影作品 Haiyue’s photography works

I mentioned at the beginning that now my desire to capture things has decreased. I don’t know if it’s because of the general environment in the past few years, or because I have been in one place for too long, and I no longer have the “freshness”. The “near and far method” is no longer working, and I have lost interest in objects and people on the street. I seem to be an “unqualified photographer” in my evaluation system, because I can only take pictures when I am traveling.
In a sharing session last month, I introduced Nakahira Takuma to everyone. That night I went to search his information again to see if there was any more content. I saw an article introducing his life and said: “Actually, what Zhuo Ma felt was a kind of general anxiety of the times. …it seems that at a certain point, Zhuo Ma suddenly realized that he was still stuck in the extreme situation and was out of touch with reality, which led to his total self-denial”. I just wish I felt the same way after watching it, and if so, I wouldn’t stop taking pictures.

From mid-December to now, I have been experiencing a very strong sense of loss and anxiety, not knowing where to go, and being homesick. Of course, this kind of sadness may also be due to the new crown, coupled with menstruation, and great mood swings.

I decided to go back to my hometown during the winter vacation and take pictures of every place that has strong emotions in my mind. It’s just out of nostalgia, and those strong desires to “own”, to do such a thing. There is a large hydropower station next to my hometown. People in my hometown often say that if this place is flooded, what will happen to the house. It seemed like everyone was worried about living there. Maybe? Maybe one day that place will be flooded, so while it’s still there, you should take good care of it.

editor’s notes:

The final report of the “October Pregnancy” elective project, a talk show prepared without telling me, discussing topics related to women in the workplace and childbirth, not only brought tears to my eyes that day, won applause from the audience, but also subtly helped our society Chong Bajin earned a huge amount of funds for sterilization. On behalf of Mudun, I would like to thank the eternal sisters Yifan and Xiyan. You have brought me far more than I have taught you.

——From project director Lin Wenping

 written in front 

The “October Pregnancy” speech was jointly conceived and discussed by two members of the project team, Yifan and Xiyan, in the form of a talk show, while paying tribute to Farage’s “Letter to an Unborn Child”. This article is an updated version of the speech.

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Curious Learning Community

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(The following is the full text of the speech)

Dear Unborn Child,

Hello, I am Aunt Yifan.

I am Aunt Xiyan.

What we bring to you is

Electives for your mother Bottle (Lin Wenping):

Pregnant October project report.

Regarding why this project was started,

The reasons for the bottle are:

One is to echo her life and death class last semester,

both death and birth

To be known, to be examined, to be blessed.

Second, based on the principle of local materials,

As a pregnant woman, if there is no class at this time, when will I wait?

Third, childbirth involves common sense in all aspects,

Meets project standards for the Curious Learning Community.

Although none of us cared about the science in it,

Except the bottle.

So what exactly is our focus?

We drop other projects,

What was the reason for choosing this project?

One is because of its public nature,

Fertility involves a lot with our

relevant social issues.

Second, because of its uniqueness and scarcity,

Chi Xiao has writing projects every year,

But you don’t necessarily have younger siblings.

The third is to be moved by the sincerity, bravery and dedication of the bottle,

We were still online at the time,

The bottle pointed the camera at the belly,

Sunshine said confidently: “This is my teaching aid.”

Yes, that’s you.

Picture: “October Pregnancy” project team member – Xiyan

in conclusion,

none of us is holding

It comes from the good expectation of nurturing life.

(except the bottle)

But we’re really looking forward to your birth,

Hope to meet you soon.

We do a few things for this:

In order to improve the health of pregnant women bottles

quality of life and happiness index,

We interrogated relatives and friends from far and wide,

And videotape.

I don’t know you in my stomach,

Is it the same as us that we don’t recognize our relatives.

Our soul torture includes but is not limited to:

What do you think of men during childbearing

What responsibilities should be assumed?

What did you share with this?

What else are you going to do?

Do you call it help?

Have you taken action yet?

Or just think about it?

During the interrogation process, some relevant persons,

Eyes dodge, afraid to face the camera,

The 1.8 meter tall man shrunk into a big ball,

He seemed guilty of his usual inaction.

But with a growth mindset,

They changed their ways,

Your father, Lao Jiang, picked up the

“Lilac Mom: A Scientific Guide to Pregnancy”

Open it from the middle.

Uncle Big Eyes and Uncle Wang Qi proactively

shared the work of the bottle,

Although it is not known how well they are currently performing,

But better not live up to our expectations.

Picture: Members of the “October Pregnancy” project team interviewed Chi Xiao

At the same time, we also collected

their views on relevant issues,

Chi Xiao, the wild daddy whose daughter was just born, is hearing

When asking whether maternity leave should be given to male employees,

What a great question to realize.

Uncle Big Eyes is all for holidays of any kind,

Whether it’s summer vacation or maternity leave for men.

Uncle Wang Qi thinks he has an obligation

Play games online with future children,

And I look forward to chasing and intercepting him in the game.

Sister Gao Shan, because of the environment,

I don’t want to choose to have children.

So she will be forever sister.

Brother Xiao Gao, because of his own reasons,

I don’t want to choose to have children.

blurted out, too troublesome,

Quite troublesome.

Uncle Little Heiqiu, Uncle Qijin and Mother Siyuan,

For various ill-fated reasons

Couldn’t talk to you.

But what we dropped from Uncle Qijin

In just a few words, he understood his childbearing wishes:

He also wants to be an eternal brother.

Because expensive,

Because expensive.

But Uncle Qijin changed his mind later,

He seems to think he’s going to be abused in a nursing home,

I wish him a happy old age.

The two of us talked a lot to the camera

Seven seven eight eight, talk eloquently, give pointers,

Excited, chattering,

Point out the direction for the future development of the fertility industry.

I hope you will cherish it when you grow up

This piece of early video data,

Don’t be ignorant of good and bad.

if you like,

Remember to get us out of the nursing home later,

Grateful.

Picture: “October Pregnancy” project team member – Yifan

You will have many opportunities to see us in the future,

If one day, Uncle Wang Qi tells you,

His children disdain to play games,

Desperate, he invites you to connect with him,

you can tell him

Learn to care more.

If one day,

Wild Daddy Chi Xiao gave it to you

Life Advice Eight Character Proverbs

“Puppy love, early marriage, early birth and multiple births”

You can choose to say to him:

“It’s not your birth!”

“How about your next life?”

If one day,

You met Uncle Qijin, Uncle Little Black Ball

and Siyuan’s mother,

I hope you will carry on our legacy,

use our list of questions

Forced confessions one by one.

Figure: Bajin

By the way, there is Brother Bajin (a cat adopted by the community),

Became a father at a young age.

Although he has no such conscience,

But we decided to give him the locked out

Wife and children have one confession and one fairness.

It will be forcibly sterilized before spring,

lest he go out and commit crimes again.

Our charity stand is over there,

There are eight catties of postcards on the booth,

Eight catties are recorded on the postcard

From broken gong voice to show talker

The bits and pieces of the singer,

Welcome everyone to sterilize Ba Jin

Do your part.

Photo: Works booths and charity sales booths in the Curiosity Market

Although we are not sure how much it will cost,

But you can’t buy it at a loss, you can’t buy it at a loss,

If you buy it, you are the shareholder of our great sterilization business.

You let Bajin no longer move towards

Some void direction screams hollowly,

You let Bajin’s own mother, Sister Yin

No longer pointing at Ba Jin and cursing and yelling,

You made Sansheng Township one less

or a few

The poor single parent cat mother who has no way to redress her grievances,

You let Sansheng Township lose a few more

or a dozen

Poor, homeless single-parent kitten.

Thanks!

There is no need to rush to buy first,

We still have things to confess.

A bottle mother will take you to the hospital regularly,

There are a lot of your future buddies out there.

We were also lucky enough to go there once,

Experience the atmosphere of a maternity hospital firsthand.

Figure: Understand the process of prenatal inspection

You were born into a relatively lucky family,

Your father, Lao Jiang, single-handedly

Slightly increased the proportion of men in maternity hospitals.

Lao Jiang’s father resolutely sacrificed his entertainment time,

opened again on the spot

“Lilac Mom: A Scientific Guide to Pregnancy”

Open it from the middle.

We also resolutely sacrifice entertainment time,

Conducted fieldwork in the hospital.

We took the glucose water left in the bottle,

I think it’s quite delicious.

So I hid in the mother’s and baby’s room and got bored.

We found that in the vending machine,

Only Wangzai milk has risen to 6 yuan,

aware of the brand name

The meaning of blessing in this space.

When we inspected the end of a building corridor,

I saw the andrology clinic, artificial insemination,

words such as semen collection,

understand the three men in line

The reason for chasing us with strange eyes.

Picture: The bottle is introducing the production inspection report

We received a leaflet from the confinement center,

Impressively printed on it is made

An ad for postpartum skinny without the need for anxiety.

we walked in only women

The obstetrics outpatient area that can only be entered,

The staff blocking the door did not ask for a medical examination form.

It is a health code and a nucleic acid report.

We pretended to be pregnant women, and the soldiers split into two groups,

talk to real pregnant women,

Almost exposed, almost exposed.

But we decided to use a growth mindset,

supplement related knowledge,

When you are free, treat people as rude

The stumbled female college student,

Change another hospital to score twice and create another glories.

The bottle is after working in the medical examination department for the whole morning,

The first mother who passed the blood sugar level.

To celebrate,

We went to a nearby big shopping mall for a good meal,

really delicious,

It is worthy of the efforts of the bottle on a daily scientific diet.

Picture: Delicious meal after the investigation of the obstetrics and gynecology hospital

Although the bottle is the protagonist,

It’s the one with the most taboos,

So you in the belly,

I also failed to taste the signature roast duck of this store,

But we abide by the good family rules of caring for food for you,

All eaten up.

This meal improved our

Quality of life and happiness index meals,

Thanks to you too,

In your light,

thanks for treatment.

before starting,

We all just want to be sisters forever.

After it’s over, we,

I still want to be my sister forever.

But we do feel the wonder of childbirth.

If one decides to be a mother,

Although never met,

But use your own life to contain another life,

This really cannot but belong to the mother alone,

An umbilical cord that cannot really be taken away.

We also realize that

the arrival of a child

The responsibilities that come with both parents are great.

They run up and down the hospital,

Just to ensure that you can come to us safely.

They learn all kinds of knowledge, do all kinds of homework,

Just to make your stay more comfortable when you first arrive.

We have also seen the deep dedication of mother bottle for you,

Witness you grow into a conspicuous big watermelon.

This work is undoubtedly worthy of respect,

Unfortunately, this is often not the case.

Even if being a mother isn’t a trade,

It’s not an obligation,

It is only one of many rights that should be possessed,

However, whether or not this right is exercised,

Women have to face various,

from family and society,

Structural problems stemming from gender inequality.

And such a system,

Pushes most women toward childbearing.

So, reproductive rights are actually

It also failed to be fully in the hands of women.

After giving birth, women are often seen as

The party that should take the initiative to return to the family,

economically weaker.

In the family, their physical pain and psychological burden

are often overlooked,

Difficult to get the respect and sharing it deserves.

Instead, the number of children

And unreasonable factors such as gender,

Materialized as a womb outright.

But it shouldn’t be.

We need a more equal and freer world.

Figure: Messages from the audience

Our strength may be insignificant,

But we still stand here,

made this speech,

I hope you can pay attention to relevant issues,

Pay more attention to your side, whether you choose it or not

Fertile, living females.

We sincerely hope that

You can come to a better world,

In the end, we have a long way to go.

This is Sister Forever Yifan,

And forever sister Xiyan.

Editor’s Note: At the 2022 Autumn Project Achievement Exhibition, Zu Yue once again gave a lightning speech with the theme of “the miracle will not come true without this”. As “She Zuyue one year later”, she shared her experience and reflections in the “Hamilton” musical project. The following is the full text of the speech.

Hello everyone, my name is She Zuyue. At this time last year, I also stood on the stage and gave a speech. The name of that speech was also called “The Miracle That Cannot Be Realized Without This”. To supplement the background story for listeners who don’t know the “Hamilton” project: At the beginning, I saw the musical “Hamilton” for the first time during the summer vacation, which opened the door to a new world, so I began to constantly ask my friends around me during the summer vacation I recommended this drama, and later the scope of influence further expanded, so I persuaded most of my classmates, wrote a petition, and told Chi Xiao: We want to act. Then some activities in the fall of 2021 began to “link” with the goal of promoting the “Hamilton” project. The students also practiced songs whenever they had time: during the lunch break, during the intermission of the sports field, and in the dormitory at night…

Poster for the musical “Hamilton” – designed and produced by students Everyone’s enthusiasm has also influenced many people, and they have received a lot of help in the process, and successfully performed in Dunku. 1″, reviewing the whole project from the first perspective at that time. Further reading: After the performance of Miracle Pt.1, it would not have come true, and was invited to perform in cooperation with the Chengdu local theater troupe Chemical Factory. The original plan was two performances, but another one was added later. With the professional help of the chemical plant, the effect of the performance more than doubled and received numerous praises. Chi Xiao also wrote a long article of more than 10,000 words reviewing the project. In this article, he said: “More than ten A teenager aged 14 to 17 uses his spare time to act as a director, screenwriter, vocal director, and design and purchase of costumes, makeup, and props. In addition to the actors in front of the stage, the sound tuning, lighting, and subtitles are also performed by the students themselves. Finished.” Extended reading: Education can explode the field | Behind the scenes of the musical “Hamilton” “The premiere on March 27th, the audience was full, and the performance exploded.” Mr. Liu Zhengdong, the manager of the chemical plant, said: “This is the chemical plant The biggest applause since its establishment three years ago!”

我也没想到，去年那场演讲并不是《汉密尔顿》的句号，在去年敦库的演出后，好奇学习社区又收到了化工场的邀请，并于2022年4月在化工场进行了三场演出。 相信在座的各位老师同学多少也会听说一些，关于那几个晚上观众们的反应：那段时间我的朋友圈里全都“燃起来了”，各位老师都在不停地转发相关信息。 其实是很受到好评的几场演出，几乎是在好奇的时间中我最高光的时刻了。 西西弗书店创始人薛野老师发的朋友圈中写道：“这些青涩的孩子像是被魔法改变了，自信大方，唱腔周正，演的很炸。我认识的游海跃饰演汉密尔顿，演出了英气，几年前完全想不到。学生导演祖悦引用歌德诗句做了分享，很棒。一百多人很享受这个孩子带来的下午。” 知名媒体人唐建光老师看完化工场的演出后也在朋友圈中说：“今晚是我看得最专注的一场戏，也是化工场实验剧场掌声最多的一场戏。 不过今年我要讲的，和去年的我想表达的，大概不太一样。因为《汉密尔顿》这整个项目给我造成的影响无疑是非常大的，凡事都有两面性，这影响也是。我非常害怕回忆这一年的事情，当时发生的很多事情我都记不清了。 今天，我希望能作为“一年后的佘祖悦”来分享一些我的经历和反思，当然，有很多回忆还是带有情绪的，我还没办法做到完全客观地看待这整件事情，但我正在努力。所以，如果有说错的地方，也欢迎大家指正。
I didn’t expect that last year’s speech was not the end of “Hamilton”. After Dunku’s performance last year, the Curious Learning Community received an invitation from the chemical plant and performed three performances in the chemical plant in April 2022 . I believe that all the teachers and students here will have heard a little bit about the audience’s reaction in those nights: During that time, my circle of friends was all “ignited”, and all the teachers kept forwarding relevant information. In fact, it was a few performances that were well received, and it was almost my brightest moment during the curious time. Teacher Xue Ye, the founder of Sisyph Bookstore, wrote in the circle of friends: “These young children seem to have been changed by magic. They are confident and generous. , A few years ago, it was completely unexpected. The student director Zu Yue quoted Goethe’s poems and shared it. The circle said: “Tonight is the scene I watched most attentively, and it was also the scene with the most applause at the Experimental Theater of the Chemical Plant. But what I want to talk about this year may be different from what I wanted to express last year. Because the whole project of “Hamilton” has undoubtedly had a great influence on me. Everything has two sides, and this influence is also true. I am very afraid to recall the events of this year, and I can’t remember many things that happened at that time. Today , I hope to share some of my experiences and reflections as “She Zuyue in one year’s time”. Of course, there are many memories with emotions. Work hard. So, if there is something wrong, you are welcome to correct me.

First of all, I would like to say something: After my thinking, I think the “this” in “from this” in the title represents ignorance, and all kinds of things derived from ignorance, such as bravery and mistakes. 

Anyway, by the time the new season kicks off, Hamilton’s tornado has swept through the community. Before Dunku’s performance, my “tyranny” was already very serious, and it affected everyone’s emotions, making the students not as good as before. Although when I watched it back, I thought that the entire crew was in a very low state at that time. It was the time and energy that had been invested in supporting everyone to complete the final performance. They all looked forward to the end of the performance as soon as possible so that they could rest during the holiday. . But in the end, through the joint efforts of everyone, the performance was successfully completed, and the assistance of teachers from all walks of life was also received in the middle, and the help was rooted in the efforts of the students. These efforts and enthusiasm really touched many people. The guidance of each teacher added points to the performance. The emotions of the classmates undoubtedly returned to me. Since December 2021, my state has been largely affected by these emotions and has been very depressed. Then, on the day of the final performance, Chi Xiao invited Dong Ge, the manager of the chemical plant, to invite us to perform two more performances there on behalf of the chemical plant. What a chance, if I hadn’t treated the crew this badly before this. Although we tried our best to agree, the crew was faltering. During the winter vacation, many students asked to quit out of curiosity and no longer participated in the follow-up rehearsal of Hamilton. I was very stressed to find new members, and I was also confused. Is it my fault for their withdrawal?

A winter vacation has passed, and one week before the start of the new season, I ask everyone to return to the community in advance to prepare for the next performance. But during that week, there was no rehearsal plan, which made the non-local students waste a week in Chengdu. During that time, I don’t know how many times the teachers received complaints from my classmates in private. Although I didn’t know it at the time, I could feel the change in the atmosphere: the passion at the beginning of the last quarter was gone. , the rest are only people who are supported by the cost, hoping to be worthy of their own achievements. The “final performance” that used to inspire the students the most did not play any role. At that time, the entire crew was wary of my emotional bomb, which was a very bad thing, and it also affected the state of the crew members even more.

Even Ziying, Tuha, and Yunhao who joined in that season were more or less affected by this drama, and their own conditions began to deteriorate.

Not only that, at that time I also used the so-called “student director” position to hope to add drama to myself, but was strongly opposed by other students. The worst day I remember was that before the end of the performance, I was working with and adjusting the lights in the chemical plant until two or three in the morning. At the end, everyone’s silent complaints almost overwhelmed me. No one stayed to collect things, except Yunhao and Ziying. I put away all the props and took a taxi back to the community with them. Finally, the finale began. But I believe that every student is probably the same as me. After the end, I only feel empty. The cheers gave me some comfort for a short time, and then the emptiness remained. I remember watching the audience go up and ask for a photo with other leading actors. I looked at it and felt very hopeless. I don’t have a deep memory of those performances, only a feeling of relief. The end of the final show is probably the real sign of “the beginning of a new season”. So I am really grateful to all the students who participated in the performance and the teachers who helped us. Whether it was in Dunku or in the chemical plant, everyone showed their abilities and let the audience see and hear our voices. Half a year of hard work really paid off. And this finished product is an effect that cannot be achieved without one person.

I believe that every student who participated in “Hamilton” has grown up – no matter how bad it is, they must have the ability to “sing the entire “Hamilton” song”. Even if it is just this, I think it is a very powerful thing. When Chi Xiao suggested that I write this article before, he said: “In many previous projects, the teachers still played a strong leading role. But you are really good at the project “Hamilton.” This sentence made me feel good. Quite a few, and I also hope that all the students who participated in the performance can know how difficult they have accomplished. From the end of 21 to April 22, for me, the really painful things came: first, I went to the chemical factory to interview the assistant director of the new drama and was rejected; I became the target of public criticism. I can still remember standing on the podium, and the audience complained a lot. I couldn’t say anything, and I recorded the questions raised by everyone on the blackboard while weeping. Then there was the serious conversation between Chi Xiao and me. I have become estranged from many classmates around me, and I dare not talk to them; I also did some crazy things during the winter vacation that I regret very much… Of course, it may also be because the performance of “Hamilton” consumed a lot of energy from my classmates , The performance of the drama “Sichuan Good Man” in the first half of 2022 has reached a new level of stretching. This is also a big blow to me from “Hamilton”

During that time, the question I thought about the most was: Is my bad performance in “Hamilton” the reason why I was treated like this? Do I really deserve to be treated like this? is this fair These three questions remain unanswered. Looking back at that time now, my biggest gains so far are: First, it has brought a shock to my way of dealing with people, enabling me to treat other people more sincerely, reflect on shortcomings in time, and make me feel better in these reflections. Second, it gave me more opportunities to reflect and grow as a director: I am no longer an “imitator”, but hope to express myself in the play and find someone who can cooperate with the crew members. Balance; third, let me start thinking about “how to face the mistakes I made”, and the balance between “being responsible for the results” and “not punishing myself for others’ mistakes”. If it weren’t for “Hamilton”, I would never have touched these issues at all. I sincerely thank all the classmates and teachers who helped me, and everyone who listened to my speech. This is the end of “The Miracle That Could Not Be True Pt.2”, I hope that in “The Miracle That Could Not Be True Pt.3”, I can look at the whole thing more objectively. thank you all.